Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
