That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
