hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i drank out of a bidet.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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