yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
