turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
