I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
