I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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