im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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