I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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