We won't sleep together?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
