you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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