I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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