you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
