Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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