Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
