i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize