I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
