I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize