Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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