I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
