if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your topless pictures make me question reality
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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