This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
