I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
