i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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