i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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