A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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