If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
