i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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