I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
