Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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