I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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