he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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