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Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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