the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We are all done wearing pants today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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