i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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