i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
