i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
