OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
