is your mom at the bar?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
