Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
