uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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