The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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