you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
