Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
