WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
