You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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