All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
