Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
