Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You've changed since you got that strap on
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
