I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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