The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize