Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
