Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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