before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
