What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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