Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
