i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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