I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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