I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to calm my uterus...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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